Something Part 4

If you are still with me, this will come to an end, eventually. I promise. I would like to hear from someone and know that it mattered.

When I got through the surgeries in jr. high school, I was able to start wearing low-top shoes and get rid of the brace. Why? I did not have any control over my foot, normally. When I took a step, it flopped. I could not move it. I could not hold it up. So, it flopped.

That is also why I could not run barefoot. If I tried to run barefoot, I would trip over my foot and toes and fall. Worse than that, I had two steel pins in my big toe. They had to break it and reset it and put the pins in it. (I still have them.)

When I tried to run, if I tripped on my foot and my toe bent under my foot, it hurt like nothing you have ever had before. It would bring tears to my eyes.

After the surgeries, I had a steel block in my foot that made my foot stay out, when I walk. It does not flop. I can actually walk barefoot. I can not run barefoot. That will never happen.

The surgeries gave me enough control that the brace was not needed anymore. I was free.

I started 9th grade being able to wear regular shoes like everyone else. This was great. it made me look like everyone else, even if I was still different. That was important to me.

You have to know that I will always have a reminder of having a handicap in my life. My left foot is around a size 9 and my right foot is around a size 12. That would make my left foot pretty short. All of my life, I have had to stuff the toes, or wear two socks, or make some kind of adjustment to be able to wear shoes. Stores do not sale individual pairs for people like me. It would be nice.

When I wear shoes, the left one actually can be slipped on and off without undoing the string. I guess that makes all of my left shoes "slip-ons." LOL I never thought about that. Cool! I guess.

Entering my freshman year, I had to go to PE. You know the class. A bunch of guys in one room had to undress in front of everyone. I hated it. Why? My left leg did not develop from the knee down like my right leg. It is thin. I have one right leg that is chunky healthy like normal and then on my left I have pencil-leg.

You see, Polio attackes the muscles. Muscles do not grow properly. They do not develop properly. Oh, I am fortunate. I was affected by polio in the leg. Some people had to be on special machines. Some could not walk. Some could not do what I do.

Our PE teacher was the head football coach. He was all coach, too. We started each day with exercises in the gym. Again, it was a group thing, but every grade was together. I was in class with all grades including seniors.

I would make myself late so that I did not have to undress in front of anyone. I faked having to go to the bathroom or something. Most days it worked.

The coach had us do all kinds of things, but there was one thing that I could not do. I could not do push-ups. You know them. Every man knows them. This is the "true" test of a man.

I could not do them because I could not hold myself up on my toes. I could not. I can not. I will not ever be able to do it. I am physically unable to do it. My left foot and toes have no strength. They bend. They have no muscles to push.

Our coach thought that he would make the class laugh at me and that maybe I would be motivated to do the push-ups. He got eveyone's attention and said, "Look at young. He can't do a push-up. Come on Young." The class laughed.

He stood there with "missing fingers" and made the class laugh at me. I would have gotten into trouble, if I had made a joke of him and caused anyone to laugh. They laughed. I was humiliated.

I went home that day sick. The next day, my stomach hurt so badly that I did not want to go to school. I did not go to school. I did not want to go back to PE ever.

Did the coach know what he had done? Probably not. He crushed my heart and stepped on my soul.

It is not one of my fondest memories of my years in high school.

more later